I know I need exercise BUT....

Exercise.

I know I need it. I know the benefits. I know it makes me feel better.

What I write next is a little vulnerable as I process out loud my struggle to find the fun in it.

Looking back, I was an really active kid. I rode my bike everywhere with my friends, danced competitively, played soccer, volleyball and competitive swimming.

Movement was never a problem. I also never saw it as having to exercise. It was always fun.  

Fast forward to adulthood and all that just sounds exhausting. I know it isn’t just an adult thing because I have so many friends who thrive on all that movement. I want to be more like them. I watch all my friends run in 5Ks and half marathons and I think that feeling of accomplishment would be amazing. I have even started the couch to 5K training a few times. I always end up hurt or getting sick which causes me to stop.

As a woman over 50, I am realizing that I need to work with my body and start things in a gentler way to avoid injuries. So yoga, I love yoga! I started walking. Walking is great. But I am so inconsistent. My results are inconsistent which is frustrating. And that leads me to the big question….why can I find so many ways and excuses to avoid exercise….laundry, cleaning, planning out the week, you name it. I often find myself making the decision to get my workout in, getting dressed to accomplish it and then delaying.  

That spirals to me being mad at myself for not just getting it done, then mad that I am not getting stronger and leaner, then mad at myself for all of that. It’s just an ugly state that leaves me wishing I was better and sad.

I fully realize this is a mental block. I have so many tools that can help me with the physical aspects of exercise but my brain just doesn’t seem to care.  

There are a few studies out there that confirm how I feel which helps a bit. This article from Time Magazine dated Jan 2024 says bluntly, “..out brains don’t want us to exercise.” As I read that, I giggled. Our brains are truly the boss. Our hearts are leaders but the brain can halt even the best choices for you out of fear, anxiety, primitive programming.  

As I have looked for more answers I found this article from Psychology Today dated February 2019. I have never really considered myself an anxious person but every time someone describes the behavior of anxious people, I feel like it’s a huge slap in the face to get me to pay attention. I realize after reading this article, so many of these reasons listed get in the way - how I look exercising as a overweight person, dumb comments made about my exercise of choice, and the big fear of hurting myself physically. I do need to go to work after all. They seem like logical reasons in my head but I realize they are not.

Back in 2019, I was at the doTERRA convention where they released the Adativ line of products. This was the first time I heard the description of people dealing with anxiety, more specifically high functioning anxiety. As they went down a list similar to the one below, I just sat there with a mix of relief that I wasn’t alone and disappointed that here was yet another thing wrong with me. It’s complicated and yet totally normal.  

That day I started taking the Adaptiv Capsules. I pulled my brand new kit from under my seat and broke open the bottle as the speaker broke down the double blind study results. My friends said in about 20 minutes, they saw my shoulders fall from my ears and I almost melted into my chair. I felt really good!  

This was step 1. I have been better about my ruminating mind, rehearsing conversations that haven’t happened, being so upset that things aren’t perfect. Not perfect, and if you asked my family, probably not even a “good” status but I am better. This is where I need to work on step 2….truly calming down my nervous system so that exercise is attainable and consistent.  

So as I do that yoga and struggle though it, as I walk and everything hurts after a few miles, and the sweating and heart racing make me uncomfortable, I will do my best to give myself grace. I know the movement is good for my body and mind. That after all is my biggest goal…a peaceful state.

"You are stronger than you think. You have gotten through every bad day in your life, and you are undefeated."

— Lori Gottlieb, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone