Dear Diary

After a week that started out with some major frustrations that led to me write a letter about my extreme displeasure, I am now at day 3 of not sending it. After I wrote it, I decided to sleep on the decision to send. As of today, I am still frustrated but not sure I want to share that written rant with those who may not really care. I will keep thinking about whether to send it.

But as I have contemplated this, it dawned on me, in today’s social media driven world, we are encouraged to share “what’s on your mind” every second of the day. We don’t sleep on those feelings overnight to make sure the thought in our heads is the one we want everyone to know.  

Here’s a hint…not every thought we have is for public consumption. Trust me…I have plenty but I pause to see if they stick or pass quickly.

I say we bring back “Dear Diary”. Marsha Brady style journals with locks and the perfect pen. Can you picture it?

After my grandmother passed away and we were going through some very old boxes, we found a Day Book from one of my grandfather’s relatives. It starts in August 1897 and continues until 1916.  

Reading it is fascinating because the author logged the mundane to the heartbreaking to the celebrations. Grocery lists, a log of what they spent on different trips to town, to births and deaths. Every once in a while you read the thoughts and feelings. You can see in the handwriting if emotions were high and happy or down and sad. It all shows up.  

When you have a lot going on in life, the emotions of it all can be hard to handle. In our busy, always going, always connected world, taking 10 minutes to cry or just really belly laugh is thought to be a waste of time. I don’t buy that but our culture gives that impression.

In our culture, it feels very much like you have to be happy all the time, trim and fit like a model, wealthy but humble so you don’t appear arrogant and the list goes on and on. You remember the monologue by America Ferrera in the Barbie movie….

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.” - America Ferrera, Barbie

I can attest to the frustration and needing to get the emotions out. You just don’t want to spew it all over your friends and family. Hence…Dear Diary! I think it needs a strong comeback.

At the end of each day, we spend 20 minutes….yes 20 whole minutes spilling our hearts out on a page and know that no one else has to read it. You can be totally honest, you can be mad, you can be happy…you can even brag in a book where no one reads it without people thinking you are a jerk. It’s perfect.

When emotions are stuck inside of you, they do damage. Even the really good ones but those tend to be easier to express and more accepted. You have often heard that you need to get your stress under control or it can cause problems….heart issues, headache, etc. There is even a study published on Pub Med. Read it via this link.  

Emotions are energy in motion. Stuffing those emotions is like wearing all your clothes but never doing laundry. Eventually it gets so overwhelming it feels easier to set it on fire and start over. BUT….in the pile is your favorite shirt, the bra that really does it’s job well, the shoes that are so comfortable buried under the pile and if you set it on fire instead of tackling a bit at a time, you lose those things.

Yes it can be tough to tackle but having all your clothes back and emotions in check is worth the effort. You get to look and feel great again.

That’s my argument for bringing back the Dear Diary movement. I guess today we would call it

journalling but so many have said you need a happy journal to dream and a journal to gripe. That makes it complicated so people won’t do it.  

Just grab a journal you love or type it out on a blank document on your computer or use a Journaling app you can talk to text in and get those thoughts and feelings moving through you instead of stuck in traffic. Allow yourself the freedom of expression without the persecution of social media.